Too Much Fear

You know, I really hate making mistakes. And I know that sounds preposterous because really, aren't we all just here in this world to make mistakes and to learn and to grow and to try new things?

In theory, yes. But in practice? I really hate making mistakes.

That is why it took me 2 years to decide to finally start my own photography business. I completely and utterly let my fear of failure control me and decide for me what direction my life would take. It's so frustrating to know that I could have spent all that time learning and growing as an 'official' photographer instead of worrying about being 'wrong' or not getting perfect images every single time.

Think of how much I could have accomplished if I had said, "You know what? I don't care! I am going to try these new things and I'm going to do it because I love it. And I love it because I'm getting better, not because I'm already perfect at it."

I really think I could have done a lot. Because instead of being paralyzed by the fear that things would not be up to my perfect standards, I would have been able to just create images, try new settings, learn about interacting better with subject. And all of these things, I realize, are things that I can't even try to perfect without doing. Imagine that!

I know that you have to practice to get better, and I have been doing that a lot. It's just that I took those practice times too seriously, let too much ride on them and didn't allow myself to be okay with starting out bad in order to get better.

So yeah, I'm trying to put that in the past and just do what I love -- take photographs. And I'm allowing myself to take bad photos in order to learn to take the great ones. And trust me, I have scores and scores of bad ones! I should do a post about that one day -- maybe it would take some of the pressure off or something, who knows.

What I do know is that I'm not doing this anymore. I'm tired of letting fear control my life. I'm done.

Anyone else in that same boat? What is it that you're letting fear hold you back from? Maybe it's time to just take the leap and DO IT! :)


Christy said...

I love your honesty Laurel. I think we all live with fear of failure, to some degree. Or even fear of the 'what if's'. Ultimately, we have to prayerfully pursue whatever it is God calls us to. And sometimes, we will fail and sometimes the 'What if's' become realities...but in the end, the only thing that matters is if we are pursuing what God wants for us. He will take care of the rest! :)

Laurel said...

Thanks for your comment Christy! I have to agree -- sometimes it's just about trusting that He knows what we need, when we need it, and that He will take care of us no matter what. And that maybe what we fear is not necessarily such a scary thing.

Such a learning process.... :D

Sarah (mom of the freakin' year!) said...

I too admire your honesty! I am a super perfectionist and I don't like to do things unless I know I am going to succeed and do well. I finally gave in and applied for the layout design team and I actually feel relieved! Nervous too, of course! I admire that you followed your passion and ventured out of your comfort zone.